Chapter 390: Love (3)
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From the scruff of Mae Su-il’s neck that I held, no life force could be felt. When I released my grip, he collapsed limply onto the ground. And dyed in black, he soon turned to ash.
Mae Su-il died without giving us a chance to ask questions. In truth, the black flame had effectively been his life force. Normally, life force resides within the body, but he had dragged it outside his body and burned it away. Once the physical body’s life force was exhausted to such an extent, he was naturally bound to die.
“J-Just why…”
Peng Chae-hyang was in utter confusion. I, too, had no idea why Mae Su-il would appear here.
However, one thing was clear. The demonic qi faintly lingering in the scattering ashes proved my deduction correct. This was the doing of the Heavenly Demon of the Blood Cult.
Unfitting for the grim situation, the surroundings were truly radiant. Abundant sunlight, breeze, moisture, the fragrance of grass and flowers—there was not a single thing out of place.
“…It is beautiful. That is why it is even harder to believe.”
Peng Chae-hyang raised her palm. One of the fluttering flower petals landed upon Peng Chae-hyang’s palm. With practically decades worth of natural energy concentrated in this single moment, the vitality of the petal was brimming to the point of bursting.
While the petal’s vitality was overflowing, the life force of a human being had completely vanished.
“Could this petal that fell upon me be Father?”
Peng Chae-hyang said, looking at the petal in her palm.
Since it was a flower bloomed using Peng Gyeong-seung’s corpse as nourishment, it was not entirely incorrect.
Just as I was about to tell her so.
“…Ah.”
Carried by the wind, the petal flew away once more. Naturally, my mouth closed as well.
Peng Chae-hyang lowered her head deeply. Though Peng Chae-hyang had spoken with strength earlier, now that the situation was concluded, there was no need to hold back her sorrow.
“Why must it be so…”
“…”
Moisture began to seep into Peng Chae-hyang’s voice.
“Until the very end, I could not say a single word to Father. The words I should have spoken as a daughter. Whether it was thanking him, or telling him I loved him.”
I did not offer hasty comfort. Especially so after learning the Wisdom Light Heart Language. Words were the most imperfect. What was important was heart to heart.
I tried to show my comfort, along with my current thoughts and emotions, to Peng Chae-hyang through the Wisdom Light Heart Language. But a sudden worry arose. While I could deliver and show my heart as it was, when it came down to what that heart truly was, even I could not define it with precision.
What was I right now? I stood on the boundary between human and god. My empathy for universal humanity was diminished, leaving only the love for the few people I was emotionally bonded with.
Perhaps the moment I showed my current heart to Peng Chae-hyang, I would effectively be confessing my current state to her.
Empathy was originally mutual. If Peng Chae-hyang came to know that I had become a different kind of existence, what would she think? Would she too cease to look upon me as a human?
“Gege.”
Peng Chae-hyang said with her head lowered.
“Yes.”
“I thought only my own feelings were important and real. But that was not the case. Until he passed away, Father never knew that I respected and loved him dearly. Perhaps I was frightened of those words. Saying that I loved Father did not stop at simply expressing love, but was acknowledging that I loved him while simultaneously making a pledge or resolution to love him in the future as well. It was like an important declaration, a proclamation. I was terrified of that. Because I had no certainty in my own heart either.”
“Knowing the heart with precision is impossible. To be exact, one cannot express the heart in its entirety through words.”
“I suppose so. Because while I certainly loved Father, I was also terrified of him. Yet my love was unmistakably greater than my fear of Father. If I say I love him and that I fear him, it sounds like half and half. Words are truly difficult.”
Peng Chae-hyang said, wiping her tears with her sleeve.
“Why is it? Only when Father is gone and the person to speak to has vanished did my feelings finally become clear. I truly loved Father. To the point where I could have declared it with pride. So I was the fool for not saying it.”
“Everyone misses their chance. Far more people miss the right timing than those who catch it. Even those who force others to seize the timing are merely people who caught one chance out of dozens, having lived missing so many things themselves.”
“But, but…”
Peng Chae-hyang collapsed back onto the ground and burst into tears. It seemed all strength had left her legs. In the field where flower petals still fluttered down in showers, Peng Chae-hyang wept with her head lifted like a child.
In that weeping sound, the grief of losing her father and the guilt of failing to convey her love were intertwined. It was a sound that could truly be called the closest to despair.
Silently, I simply embraced the weeping Peng Chae-hyang. She wrapped her hands around my back and cried. The nape of my neck grew soaked at a rapid pace. It felt as though I might drown and suffocate in her tears.
“Gege. That is why I realized something.”
Peng Chae-hyang said, trembling within my embrace.
“What is it?”
“To the person one loves, one must express that love quickly. So that no regrets remain.”
“Yes. That is true.”
“I love you.”
Peng Chae-hyang’s words struck me directly. Words that should have sounded the sweetest were, for some reason, as painful as being pierced by a spear.
“I love you, truly, I love you…”
Peng Chae-hyang lifted her head. And she pressed her lips against mine. Soft lips and the salty taste of tears intermingled.
I could see it through the Heavenly Eye. I could understand her heart. Right now, she fully comprehended the actions she was taking.
Resolving her debt toward her father through me, alongside the terror of losing me as well, and her profound love. I could feel all of those things.
Above all, the emotion of love possessed the most beautiful color among the shades seen through the Heavenly Eye. The more vivid the color, the more intense the emotion, and Peng Chae-hyang’s love was exceedingly pure. As if looking upon an aurora that one might only see at the North Sea Ice Palace…
After the bittersweet kiss ended, Peng Chae-hyang looked at me with tear-filled eyes.
“Does Gege love me?”
Peng Chae-hyang asked.
“If not, could you love me?”
Her eyes were desperately pleading with me. A precariousness as if she might shatter to pieces if I did not give her what she desired.
She had just witnessed her father’s death before her very eyes. If she were not precarious, she would not be human.
Then it was time for me to ask myself the question I had postponed for so long.
Did I love Peng Chae-hyang?
We had shared our bodies, and back then, I felt a preciousness wishing to protect her. But that could also have been a momentary misunderstanding stemming from physical pleasure.
Furthermore, even if I loved her back then, standing on the boundary between human and god now, I might have drifted somewhat away from love.
I was a continuously changing existence. Even if it was the same soul, it was not immutable. My soul was flowing like the world.
In this brief moment, all thoughts could not reach a conclusion. Because if I loved Peng Chae-hyang, it would ultimately arrive at the question of why I loved her.
In truth, that was not something that would yield an answer no matter how much time one had. Because love was the purest and hardest to interpret among all human emotions. Even at this moment where I had surpassed mortal cognitive ability, I would likely never unravel the secret of love. Was that, too, not contained within the truth that existed before the universe?
“…Gege?”
Peng Chae-hyang called out to me once more, looking anxious.
Though it had been a very brief moment to me, to her, she had likely asked after waiting through an eternity.
“Chae-hyang, I…”
I found no need to converse any further. Right now, I could not express my emotions through words. That was not an absence of ability on my part, but rather that words were far too inadequate to express what I felt.
Had Peng Chae-hyang merely wanted simple reassurance from me, I might have spoken it. Because there was no better tool for reassurance than words.
Yet right now, she was yearning for pure love from me. She wanted me to feel the exact same emotion she was feeling. That was a difficult feat, akin to overlapping the unique frequencies of souls simultaneously.
“I dare not put it into words.”
Lightly holding Peng Chae-hyang’s cheek, I brought my forehead against hers.
“So feel it for yourself.”
Peng Chae-hyang’s warm forehead was felt.
Then, an astonishing thing occurred. Peng Chae-hyang had never cultivated the Wisdom Light Heart Language. Therefore, it should have been impossible to show emotions without distortion the way I could.
Because what I saw through the Heavenly Eye was ultimately viewing emotions through colors, which was also imperfect.
The heart is something that cannot be contained in any vessel. Directly opposing water, which fills whatever bowl it is placed in. Thinking of it that way, nature treating the death of humans as good karma did not seem all that strange either.
Setting that aside. What transpired between Peng Chae-hyang and me right now was what mattered. I could see Peng Chae-hyang’s thoughts right now. As if they were my very own thoughts. In truth, even the word ‘see’ was inadequate.
Not metaphorically, but her thoughts had become my thoughts. The two of us had become connected as one. Just as I was looking upon Peng Chae-hyang, Peng Chae-hyang was surely looking upon me.
Pushing past the superficial emotion of surprise, I gently stepped inside. And I began to dive deep into Peng Chae-hyang’s love.
The emotion of love was the perfect place for a soul to plunge into and drift away. Intense, addictive, and pleasurable.
Normally, when something is intense, addictive, and pleasurable, it often ruins a human’s soul in return. But this love right now was sublime, even while granting the highest pleasure to a human.
The ultimate pinnacle of emotion a human could feel. That was none other than love.
Setting the essence of love aside, I saw countless memories and emotions as I swam through Peng Chae-hyang’s thoughts. What surprised me was that she had loved me for far longer than I thought.
The color of love, which was clearly faint at first, had deepened as she yearned and ached. To the point where I felt apologetic for failing to notice until now.
My emotions gradually shifted from surprise to apology, and from apology to endearment.
Furthermore, the color and fragrance of Peng Chae-hyang’s love were growing even deeper. I could feel it as well. My heart and brain were tingling. The tingling spots meant Peng Chae-hyang was looking at them. Peng Chae-hyang’s gaze flowed through my mind, grazing past my memories. Right now, we were doing something far more intimate than looking upon each other’s naked bodies.
Peng Chae-hyang now knew that I stood on the boundary between god and human, and that I was agonizing over the emotion of love.
Yet contrary to my expectations, Peng Chae-hyang did not feel that I was distant. Rather, embracing even those thoughts, she nurtured her love even further.
Whatever existence I was, whether I was a god or a human, the existence that was me did not change. Peng Chae-hyang loved precisely that. The core of the soul. That very tiny, weightless part.
“…Ah.”
In the end, I let out a gasp of awe.
Peng Chae-hyang’s love boiled over, crossing into me through my forehead. Soon, pure love filled my mind to the brim as well.
It was dazzling and beautiful beyond comparison, far surpassing the Peach Blossom Spring created by rallying the energy of nature.